We'll I had the pleasure (I mean PAIN) of going to the Jaguar Game vs. the Vikings today! Even though we LOST BIG TIME (30-12) like I knew we would, I still managed to have fun and a lot of laughs. A loud “Christina on crack” voice singing the anthem, loud explosions, and even louder aircrafts flying overhead met my ears while trying to make it up the slow ass escalators. Now, you know it's a shame when the other team scores TWO touchdowns on our asses in the first two minutes of the game & I hadn’t even made it to my seat yet to witness that fuckery! Crazy smells of buttery popcorn, beer, and male testosterone filled the air, not to mention it was cold as polar bear balls in the nosebleeds! I had forgotten that we have a D-line band that plays after every other play, but they were not bringing the hotness that I expected to hear. The Roar (Jag Cheerleaders) did a “hell to the naw” dance routine to Christina A’s “Keeps Getting Better” and all I could think about was the Target commercial which had me crackin up loudly while people looked at me crazy. Another thing I caught on to was the new “Move them chains!!!” chant the fans shouted when the team got a first down and two old white ladies with a BIG ASS YELLOW CHAIN were shaking it up in the aisle. One of them almost fell on the other and as you know I did LMAO at them. To my surprise though, the music at the game has changed from honkytonk and rock to r&b & get crunk while I rep my city music. Do you think it’s because most of the players are black now??? Speaking of players, I had a hard them keeping my eyes off of Jones-Drew’s bubble ass as well as other equally nice asses, at least the Jags are good for something, as well as really good binoculars. Also I had forgotten how many fine ass people go to the game, I did see a few future baby daddies and one night stands in the place, especially a very sexy white chocolate guy in a hat named John at the guest booth. Thanks again for my free O’Doul’s Non-Alcoholic drink coupon (and NO, I didn’t give my number or fuck him to get it cuz I have a chocolate bar of my own but I can dream bitches). Before I forget, I have to mention to my local Duvalians (residents of Duval) that if you want to rep yourselves, learn to spell it right because IT IS NOT SPELLED D-U-V-U-L OKAY!!!????? And the cameras had the nerve to put them onscreen for us all to see. FAIL!!! To bad I can’t find the picture, consider yourselves lucky! As I grew tired of the fuckery that was the game and with nothing amusing happening anymore, I decided to leave to premises. You also know it was a shame when Vikings fans felt sorry of them and Jag fans had literally put paper bags over their heads to hide their ongoing shame for our hometown team. Roar on that bitches! I’m out but not before I say that Non-Alcoholic Beer is the nastiest stuff I have ever tasted in my life, I see why it’s free becuase it tastes like cold carbonated pee! Thanks for nothing John, but stay cute!
P.S. - I can't wait to go back for more memories!
Posted by Skittles